Most often times in our articles, we are addressing the modern nature of dating via apps such as Tinder, Bumble, etc. But what if you wanted to meet someone the old-fashioned way? What if you wanted to go have a more organic first meeting the develop its way into chemistry and dating or perhaps even a long-term relationship and marriage?
So this week’s column will address just that. What are the best places to meet women? And once you find them there, how are they best approached, wooed, and courted? We will address the differences between meeting a woman for the purposes of a one night stand versus casual or ongoing dating versus a long-term relationship.
What type of women are you interested in?
The very first question you must ask yourself is what is it you’re looking for? A wise man will make this distinction based not only on his desires but also on his own station or chapter in life. You may ultimately be looking for a wife and a house full of kids. But if you’re not ready to “settle down” and support that kind of lifestyle long-term, you shouldn’t be looking for women who are going to expect that of you.
Even if you’re only looking for a one-night stand, make sure it’s a pleasant experience, and the woman doesn’t regret it. You want her to be happy that she chose to go home with you that night so she’ll be more likely to do it with you or someone else next time. Wow her. Because if she doesn’t, she’ll close herself off a little more and make it more difficult for the next guy who might actually want to pursue a genuine relationship with her. Always be a gentleman.
You will know after two or three dates whether or not you should continue. And if you stop after two or three and ghosts, she’s not really going to hold it against you. everyone has had a couple of dates that didn’t really go anywhere. If you let it go on much longer than that, you run the risk of being the assholes who led her on. Don’t be that asshole.
So your first mission is to honestly assess your stage in life and what it is that you’re looking for.That will dictate the rest of what you read in this column and apply in your life. I’m serious here guys. This is the most important step. Figure out what you’re looking for before you go trying to find anything that might be available. I have so many single friends who continuously complain to me about how crappy their dating life is. And I can guarantee you that they don’t really know what it is they’re looking for.
What type of guy are you?
I’m going to assume that you spend some real-time assessing your goals. What do you want from the next woman you meet? Are you DTF? Do you genuinely want to date someone’s equality? do you ultimately want to build a long-term relationship and perhaps even look toward Marriage?
Once you have figured that out, your next question is what kind of man are you. Again this will determine where you should go looking and how you should approach the women you’re interested in. Are you conservative or liberal in your beliefs? Are you more physical and affectionate, or do quality time and snuggling irritate you? Would you rather spend hours on a nature trail or hours in front of the TV playing video games? Are you more introverted and prefer quiet time at home with a person, or are you energized by public life, socializing, and parties? Would you rather do shots or do yoga? Are you money motivated? Will you align better with someone who is also money motivated, or are you a bohemian minimalist, and a material list will drive you insane and ultimately disgust you?
This might not be what you came here for. You might be looking for quick and easy answers. but the fact of the matter is nothing worthwhile is typically quick and easy. As the old saying goes, if you have 4 hours to cut down a tree, spend the first three sharpening your saw. if you know who you are and what you want, you’re much more likely to find someone who aligns with your goals and philosophies on life. And I say that equally, whether you’re looking for a rowdy night of fun or fifty years of marriage. Find a woman who feels the same way you do about things and has the same goals, and the rest of this will be very very easy
best places to meet single women
So you know who you are and what you want. Now let’s take a look at what you do with that information. Where are the best places to meet single women? Half the planet is female. They must be out there somewhere, right?
so let’s take a look at some places where you can typically find the kind of woman you’re looking for. Where do girls hang out these days? For the section, we’re going to divide this up based on goals.
DTF – One Night Stand
If your goal is a wild night of fun with no expectation of a relationship after the next day, you’re most likely going to want to look at bars, lounges, concerts, and music festivals. Important note: Don’t go alone. Take at least a wingman or a wing woman. Travel in a group whenever possible. Single women in these environments always travel in groups for comfort and safety. If you try to single one out, the others will guard her. Bring your group to meet their Group.
No matter how much technology exists in the world, people will always hang out at bars. And most often times, a woman there will have the same goals you have. Or at least you should try to find the ones who do. You can usually tell by the look in their eyes. You’ve seen it. That same hunger you feel.
Important note: Avoid the loud and outwardly “slutty” girl. She’s just doing it for show. She gets off on working guys up and shooting guys down.
Instead, look for the quiet but confident one who smiles and responds well to conversation. If she didn’t want to talk and be courted, she would make herself unavailable. She has a tribe to protect her.
The exception to this would be the hotel lounge. Travelers often make themselves available for a single night. occasionally you’ll even find a woman wearing her wedding ring on the right hand rather than the left, which is most often times meant as an open invitation. If you go searching in a hotel lounge and a woman is looking at you from across the bar are leaves the seat next to her open and seems to encourage conversation, you have a pretty good chance if you don’t screw it up. So take your shot.
If you are looking in a regular bar, where people go to see and be seen, you want to use the psychological process that attracts people to one another. I don’t have time to get into that during this column. We can tackle it another day. But rest assured, there is a psychological process that makes all this work. This can be particularly easy in a karaoke bar where people are already putting themselves in a vulnerable yet fun-loving state. And women love it when you have the courage to put your ego at risk, by belting out a song they can sing along to. It is built-in humor and self-deprecation. On the other hand, if you are the next Pavarotti, you can pick up an even higher class of songbirds.
Genuine Dating to Long Term Relationships
If your goal is to find someone you genuinely enjoy for the purposes of dating and friendship or perhaps even marriage, you’re going to look somewhere entirely different from the above examples. This is where it is again important to know who you are and what you like. Let’s use yoga as an example. At my local yoga studio, women outnumber men 10 to 1. The place is literally crawling with women. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.
Important note: Women don’t like to be hit on when they are sweaty and actually have exercise on their minds. Approach the situation carefully. Always be a gentleman.
Are you a foodie? Most decent-sized cities have cooking classes you can sign up for. Again, women vastly outnumber men. And in this case, they’re not pouring with sweat, in their Lululemon’s. The classes are interactive and fun and lend themselves well to conversation and drinks afterward.
Are you outdoorsy? If your city has an REI, Bass Pro Shop, or similar outdoors supplier, they most likely offer classes you will enjoy, and any single woman you find there will have the same interest as you. The benefit here is that it makes planning the first date awfully easy. “Wanna go kayaking with me sometime?” Done.
Co-ed sports are one of the most fun and easy ways to meet single women who enjoy the same Spirit of competition and physically as you. And by their very nature, half the population there will be women.
Most cities also have group music lessons and theater groups that you could join if that’s a passion of yours. a friend of mine is currently in a musical production at the community theater.
There are fourteen women and two men, the other of whom is gay. Needless to say, my friend is having a blast. And the women there adore him for being one of the few men courageous and secure enough to sign up for musical theater.
The same goes for acting or improv classes. Most comedy clubs have amateur nights as well as group improv classes. You can work on your sense of humor and social skills at the same time you find women who are confident and funny. Again it makes it easy to set up the first date. All you have to do is look at the calendar of comics coming to the club. Do you want to know a really good way to secure an immediate bond between two people? Laugh together all night long. Try it. Thank me later.
If you don’t have community music lessons, theater, or comedy clubs, check out the local community college. Typically you can sign up for classes you are interested in, for a small fee. This particular author, as a thirty-year-old junior, began dating his college advisor. Okay maybe “dating” is a strong word. We regularly had sex on her desk after hours. Still one of my favorite short-term relationships.
Social media can come in handy when it comes to this goal as well. Rather than using online dating apps, you can use the internet for finding local events that interest you, places where you are likely to find people with similar affinities. Check your Facebook events for this weekend. You are likely to find art festivals, concerts, plays, and about a thousand other places to meet people.
Most recently I started dating an incredible and beautiful young woman who is a restaurant manager, after finding each other at a foodie Meetup, in a local sushi restaurant. We both love sushi. We talked about our favorite foods, restaurants, and places we have traveled. We talked about places we wanted to go in the future. We found a restaurant neither of us had visited yet and gone there as a first date.
Once again let me assure you, meeting people is easy if you go where people share the same interests you have. Meetup is a great app for this. You can’t begin to imagine the number of groups who get together for everything from cosplay at a Comic-Con, to bow hunting for feral hogs. (I’ve been to both.) If you are a world traveler, Couchsurfing is an app that offers a similar weekly or monthly meetup experience. Foodie groups, wine groups, bowling leagues, pool leagues, darts, weekly poker tournaments…yes women actually hang out at these places. And they are the cool ones. Go find you one. DTF, Dating-LTR
If you are a spiritual or charitable and community-minded individual, you can always find single women in volunteer opportunities and faith-based activities as well. A wonderful female friend of mine met the man who is now her husband while they were both volunteering at a community garden. They have one of the most beautiful marriages I’ve ever seen. And a lot of that is due, I believe, to the fact that they share the same philosophies on life and the environment. If you’ve never tried it before, volunteering is a fabulous way to do something good for your soul while you help other people. And if you happen to find your soulmate there, you can thank me later. What cause would you support, if you wanted to give one Saturday afternoon per month to helping others? The woman you find there will probably be a great one. Dating-LTR
Let’s break this down by the types of interactions you may have when finding a woman with similar goals. Here is a short form list for you, with a couple of notes on each location, where you might find the type of girl you’re looking for.
Work: This is a tricky one. Sexual harassment is a serious issue these days. But if you can build a genuine and mutual relationship was someone here you enjoy working with, it might be the best thing you ever found. TREAD LIGHTLY, AND ALWAYS BE A GENTLEMAN. Dating-LTR
This is a tricky one. Sexual harassment is a serious issue these days. But if you can build a genuine and mutual relationship was someone here you enjoy working with, it might be the best thing you ever found. TREAD LIGHTLY, AND ALWAYS BE A GENTLEMAN. Dating-LTR
Hotel Lounges: This is where you find your one-night stands. Dress in a suit. Be cool. Buy her a drink. DTF
School: I’ve lost the statistic but I can tell you that a large percentage of people find their mate while they are in school. Work on projects together. Complain about your professors. Be funny. Even ugly guys can get laid, if they’re funny. DTF, Dating-LTR
A Friend of a Friend: One of your best bets. Get introduced to someone your friends already know because I know who you like and who you are likely to mesh with. Dating-LTR
In the Street: Have you ever seen that stranger who immediately caught your eye? Maybe on the bus or the subway. across the produce aisle at the grocery store. Have the courage to compliment a woman and introduce yourself. You have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain. DTF, Dating-LTR
Go Where You’d Normally Go: The gym, the dog park, the nature trail, your neighborhood bar. Open your eyes to the possibilities there in front of you and have the balls to approach someone. Always be a gentleman. DTF, Dating-LTR
Go Where The Women You Want To Meet Are: Follow my instructions above. Make yourself a detailed list of the person you most want to find in the next week or two. Now ask yourself what her daily routine looks like and where you are most likely to find her. DTF, Dating-LTR
New Adventures: Get out of your comfort zone. Think of where women normally like to go that other men are too afraid to approach them. Try out for the community musical. Take a yoga class. Learn to arrange flowers. Get in touch with your feminine side, because that’s where you will find women. Dating-LTR
Let’s spend some time on events in particular. If nothing else, because it has worked so spectacularly for me, that I want you to enjoy the same success.
Get out your phone and look at Facebook and Google to find events for this week. Make yourself a list of the ones where you are most likely to find the kinds of women you’re looking for.
Decide whether you’re better off going solo or taking some friends. If women are likely to be there in groups you’re going to want to be in a group. If you’re looking at the museum exhibit or an art opening, you’re more likely to find a single woman so you don’t want to be in a big, rowdy crew of bros. (Not that you would find that many guys who would willingly go to the art museum with you anyway.)
Music or Film Festivals and Concerts: Grab your buddies, smile a lot, and find a girl who reminds you a lot of yourself. This works…like every time. Did I mention smile a lot? Look like you’re having fun. Never let them see fear or desperation in your eyes. Women can smell desperation like sharks smell blood in the ocean. DTF, Dating-LTR
Stand Up Comedy/Slam Poetry (Open Mic Night): Did you catch what I said earlier? meeting a girl while you are laughing your ass off, is about the fastest way to make sure you get another date (and probably laid that night). DTF, Dating-LTR
Speed Dating & Singles Events: Do you want to make absolutely sure that the woman you meet has the same goals in mind as you? Give one of these a try. If nothing else they are ridiculous and the people watching is top shelf. Take your buddies. Make a night of it. It’s a win-win. DTF, Dating-LTR
Go To or Throw a Party: If you can get the right group of people together with the right entertainment, this is a no-brainer. Make sure you encourage people to invite their single friends. Trust me, about the least comfortable feeling, is being the only single person in a room full of couples. (Unless you’re into that kind of thing, you ravishing unicorn.) Dating-LTR
Weddings: Weddings and bachelorette parties are like the Garden of Eden for picking fruit. Women are at the height of their season and often practically begging to be “plucked.” DTF, Dating-LTR
Work Parties/Conferences: You too can be someone’s poor decision or dirty little secret. Don’t ask me what it is about work parties or conferences that makes women do things they wouldn’t normally do. Just take my word for it, tiger. DTF
Shall we dig a little deeper into the hunt? Let’s look at some ideas on specific places you can go Searching.
Shopping Malls: Just in case you’re reading this while you’re still in high school, this one is for
you. Take your buddies and go to the mall. You’re welcome. DTF, Dating-LTR
Coffee Shops: every once in a great while you’ll find a woman in a coffee shop who genuinely wants to be talked to rather than one who is just as likely to tell you to “F@#& OFF.” As a matter of fact, you might have a better chance with the barista. Dating-LTR
Grocery Store, Health Food Store(Whole Foods, Sprouts, Trader Joes, Farmers Market): This is a great one. A smile and a “Hi” go a long way here. If you really want to get their attention, try “wow.” Dating-LTR
Farmers Markets and Craft Fairs: I dare you. I dare you to go to the farmers market or Maker Faire. Do me a favor and count the ratio of women to men. Post a comment. actually I’ll probably keep it to yourself because your options will be so wide open, you won’t want anyone else muscling in on your territory. DTF, Dating-LTR
Check out a book signing or go to your local bookstore or Barnes & Noble: You may not realize this, but a lot of people walk into book stores just to waste time, chill out, and nose through books that they have no intention of buying. It’s actually a good time to strike up a conversation. Dating-LTR
Galleries and Art Museums: One of my favorite relationships came from a young woman I met at a gallery opening for an artist we both knew. We have never met one another before. For the next several months, we had a passionate love affair. Art galleries lend themselves to a conversation so easily, you’re a fool if you miss this opportunity. DTF, Dating-LTR
Library: Unless you like homeless chicks, I probably would avoid this one. I mean you’re not even supposed to talk in there. How are you going to show off your wit and charm? NO
If I know I’d like to spend a little time here pointing out some options for the physically active. This is specifically because oftentimes, people who hate cell phones and technology and don’t want to use Tinder or Bumble or dating apps, in general, are more likely to be found to doing something outdoors and active.
Yoga: I don’t care if you’re not flexible. I don’t care if you think yoga is dumb or boring. do you want to meet single women? Do you know where single women go? Yoga class. Practice your “downward dog,” and maybe you can get her in the same position later. DTF, Dating-LTR
The Beach: This is just “summer lovin'” waiting to happen. I mean did you see The Karate Kid? DTF, Dating-LTR
The Park: Find a girl in a great mood, chilling in the park, and engage her in conversation. You will be able to tell pretty quickly whether or not she wants to be talked to. Dating-LTR
The Gym: Women consistently say that they hate it when guys hit on them in the gym. So be careful with this one. On the other hand, I know an awful lot of girls who have gone home with guys from the gym. I suppose it all comes down to your technique, gentlemen. DTF, Dating-LTR
The Dog Park: Conversation is the key to getting a date. And what better to talk about than how cute her puppers is. Important note: Actually have a dog, if you’re going to try this. DTF, Dating-LTR
Take Dance Classes: Is this still a thing? You’re damn right it is. and there are twice as many women as there are men. They are begging for dance partners. So be brave, don’t step on anyone’s feet, and enjoy your evening. DTF, Dating-LTR
Activity Classes: A good buddy of mine teaches rock climbing and camping classes. I don’t get to hang out with him anymore because he’s constantly busy going home with women in his classes. if I were you and I were outdoorsy, I believe I’d go take some of the workload off his plate. DTF, Dating-LTR