Well how did it go? You combed the online dating world, straining your thumb, swiping left…left…right, like a game of Duck Duck Goose in elementary school, until your eyes finally crossed, and you had to give it a break. And then it happened – the elusive match notification. You chatted, flirted, wooed, and got the first date. Excellent work. I hope it went well!
…so now what?
It’s the day after, and there’s only one thing on your mind. It’s that age-old question, “How long should I wait to text after a first date?”
When to text after the first date might not technically be an age-old question. But the idea is the same. In fact that’s sort of why we have to tackle this subject in these articles. We are navigating a modern dating world that is still largely based on fairly ancient rules of attraction and courtship. Sometimes 200,000 years of human evolution has a hard time keeping up with modern advances in technology…or maybe it’s the other way around entirely.
But the question remains. When should you text a person after a date?
A lot of people still try to follow the old rule that you should let at least one full day go by before you send that message. But you might really want to consider your ultimate goal, before you make that choice.
For instance, if you’re a guy and you really are into this girl, you’re trying to decide, how long should I wait before texting her after our first date? Well here’s my question for you. How much reminding, attention, and affection does this girl want, in order to keep her focused on you? And for that matter how much attention is she getting from other guys? In this modern world, where everything is available at your fingertips, women are often bombarded by men all day long trying to grab their attention. You made it through step one, which was getting the first date.
So did you pay attention to whether she responds better when you give her direct praise and doting? Or did she respond better when you took it away a little bit? These days most people are wired for instant gratification. So instead of waiting a couple of days before you text, you might seriously want to consider thinking of something pretty clever to say the next morning, just to keep her attention. It might not be a bad idea to remind her of the best parts of the date and get her excited about them all over again, so she can remember those positive feelings, and brag to her friends.
On the other hand, what if you’re a woman reading this and you’re wondering when to text a guy after the first date. Just like men need to consider how women respond best to courtship, a wise woman will consider what turns a man on. Despite modern tendencies toward more balanced gender roles, men are largely still wired to pursue. So coming on strong after a first date can be a real turn off.
Instead of asking yourself, “when should I text after a first date,” you might be better off asking “what should I text after the first date?” Whether it’s the next morning, or the day after that, often a simple winking emoji is enough to engage the part of a man’s brain that wants to pursue you. Men typically just want to know they’ve done a good job and you are pleased and excited about them. It doesn’t take much, because usually they want to be the ones doing most of the work anyway. A sexy, smiling picture of yourself without any caption at all can really go a long way. And always remember, smiles are better than duck faces.
Gentlemen the same holds true for you. Instead of worrying about, “when should I text after a first date,” you should probably put a lot more thought into what it is that you want to say. Again remember that despite modern changes in the way we view gender roles, 200,000 years of evolution dictates that women often still want the same thing they always have. They want to be valued. They want to be protected. They want to be excited. In fact as crazy as that sounds, the part of the brain that registers fear in a woman is the same part that registers sexual attraction.
From an evolutionary standpoint, this is probably because the biggest, strongest male might be a little scary and intimidating, but that also makes him a more attractive protector and provider. For that reason, it suits you well to lead a woman into a little bit of unknown adventure. Remember this when you’re texting, and remind her of something that happened on the date, something that started off a little uncertain, but you held it together and made sure she was safe and had fun.
You might engage her curiosity by sending a simple message like, “Still thinking about last night.” And just leave it at that. She will most likely be wondering what part of the night you were thinking about, and almost undoubtedly will ask you in a flirtatious way to clarify. This opens the door for you to remind her of the best parts of the date, so she’ll be excited about seeing you next time. Then it lets you finish a brief conversation with, “I definitely think we should do that again sometime soon. What are your thoughts?”
Humans are still a product of our evolution. So if you’re wondering, when to text a girl after a first date, or when to text a guy back after your first date, stop yourself and remember that the flirtation and courtship ritual it’s still going on. In fact if anything, it has only gotten more intense at this point. Lots of people will venture into a first date to test the waters. The important part is how to follow up after that. Give some serious thought to the psychology of attraction. And focus your energy on keeping that person excited about the time the two of you spent together, and even more excited about what happens next.