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how to start a conversation on tinder

Game Changing Tinder Opener

Table of Contents

Table of Contents

Starting a conversation on Tinder is crucial if you want to land those dates or hookups. 

Unfortunately most guys on the app do not know how to message. Between using hey or hi, complimenting a girl on her looks or not even messaging the girl at all, a lot of guys mess up their chances with the girl they matched with, by instantly getting ghosted.

If this is currently you don’t worry because in this guide I’m going to be going over how to actually start a conversation on Tinder with your match. After you read this article you should have the knowledge to go out there and start messaging your matches confidently. 

Once you start doing that you’re going to start landing more dates and hookups. Your mindset is going to change as you will start to gain more confidence and try new messages.

So with that in mind, let’s jump into starting a conversation on Tinder.

What you should know before sending a message

Before I go over sending the initial message, here are some basic things you need to know. 

There are More Guys on Tinder Than Girls

You have to remember that there are many more guys on Tinder than girls. According to statista, 78% of Tinder Users are guys. 22% are girls. 

Since there is such an uneven balance, girls don’t have to worry about getting matches. In fact she knows that most guys are going to swipe right on her if she’s attractive.

She’s going to automatically assume also that you are using tinder as a numbers game. Try and get as many matches as possible and only message attractive girls. 

With that being said, she can be picky with who she swipes right on. One red flag or negative implication in a photo or bio can cause her to swipe left. Even if you are an 8 or 9.

So with all of this in mind, you really need to stand out among all of her matches. Unless you are supermodel quality, your message needs to grab her attention. 

The best ways to do this is to either have an amazing profile optimized for matches (link to a post) (Girls will open you if done correctly) & or be great with messaging.

The first step is to start that conversation & the ball is in your court to initiate.

Most Guys Suck at Messaging

Luckily for you, most guys are awful at messaging.

Whether it’s extremely boring messages, not knowing when to grab a number, or acting femimine.

You have very little competition.


You need to make sure your messages make sense. Don’t confuse your & you’re. Their, They’re, There. Make sure you spell words correctly. Make sure sentences flow. 

This is such an easy way to get ghosted. You already matched with her, spend a few more seconds making sure everything is correct.

You can see from this OkCupid case study that being illiterate is a huge turnoff. 

“Netspeak, bad grammar, and bad spelling are huge turn-offs. Our negative correlation list is a fool’s lexicon: ur, u, wat, wont, and so on. These all make a terrible first impression”

These messaging techniques work for more than just Tinder

No this works out pretty well for most dating apps. So whether you are using Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, or any other popular dating app, you can use all these techniques to start getting messages from girls.

The fundamentals of messaging are the same across different apps. Most apps just have different user interfaces and girls that use them for different purposes 

Just Be Yourself

This was honestly one of my biggest challenges when I first started messaging on Tinder. I didn’t know how to be myself.

Instead of writing my own statements and getting a feel of my messaging style, I HEAVILY relied on stealing lines or begging friends for help.

Your friends or pickup coach aren’t going to be there on the date with you. And they can’t possibly respond to every message you get.

Find your style. Whether you are charming, clever, or funny. Try them out and see what works best for you. 

Find your strength and use it to your advantage. If something works, great, keep using it. If it doesn’t change it up and try again. There are so many girls on Tinder, don’t give up if you fail in the beginning.  

It’s sometimes easy to forget, but remember you need to have fun. Don’t try so hard to get laid, it’s obvious.

Women on dating apps aren’t funny

There is a stigma that you need to be funny to get results in online dating. The truth is you don’t. Women aren’t funny. If you’ve used bumble, have you ever gotten a clever or funny opener? I’ve had hundreds of matches and messages sent. I can’t recall ever laughing at an opener. Don’t fret if you aren’t funny, because I’m not. 

Different Ways To Start a Conversation

There’s so many different ways to start a conversation on Tinder whether you want to use an icebreaker, a name pun, a pick-up line, or a custom message there are really an unlimited amount of ways to start talking to her.

I’m going to go over a few in order from my least to favorite.

Name Puns

While the tinder reddit (/r/tinder) might go crazy over name puns they honestly aren’t the best way to open up a conversation. Look don’t get me wrong it’s fun to send a pun and get a witty response from a girl, but at this point it’s overdone. Sure you might get some karma points, but besides that nothing will happen.

Don’t look at the illusion of what’s posted there. The name puns get a ton of upvotes, but for every successful post, there are thousands of posts that go unnoticed. 

Most guys just go online and steal a generic name pun and send it to the girl expecting a response. It’s like saying hey or hi at this point in time. So unless The girl is new to Tinder or you’ve created a new original name pun (which she’s probably already seen) you shouldn’t go with this route.

If a girl has a blank profile and you don’t know what to send, a name pun might be appropriate in that situation.

Another situation in which a name pun works is if in her bio she asks for your worst pickup line or a pun. I see these profiles occasionally. Sending a name pun shows that you read her profile, and you will be more likely to receive a response.  

Going straight for the date

You can ask her right away to meet you at a bar or a concert.

I find this rarely works, but if it’s executed properly along with you having a really good profile, it can work.

Just be careful using it as there are better ways to approach messaging. 

Ice Breakers

Some IceBreakers are great ways to get a conversation going and to get more info from a girl.

Others are just plain bad and will only get you ghosted (Pretty much the equivalent of hi)

The only ice breakers I like to use are two truths and a lie & Kill, Fuck, Marry. Both of these will get you some info and allow you to continue the conversation.

Cheesy Ice breakers like: How much does a polar bear weigh do not work. You go right back to square one. No conversation has progressed. 

Unpopular Opinion

So this isn’t my favorite way to start a conversation, but it’s definitely a way to get the ball rolling.

Just as a fair warning, do not bring up Politics or Religion in this unpopular opinion.

You should never bring these up on dates or in messaging. 

Anyways, you can start a conversation with “Pineapple on pizza, Yes or No” or some other unpopular opinion.

From there you can have a short conversation before getting the contact info.

Hi + Name!

This surprisingly works well. All you need to do is say a girls name and add an exclamation point at the end.

For example if you match with Hanna.

Hi Hannah!

The reason this works is that it emulates a conversation you would have with a friend. 

When you greet a friend in public you often say Hi and their name. It’s programmed in our minds.

It’s also better than just saying hi as at least you added a little extra effort by stating her name.

Pick Up Lines & Openers

At this point, most girls have heard the generic pick up lines and openers that have been posted on reddit and other pick up websites. 

They can work great for girls new to the app, but after that it becomes an annoyance.


Tinder has a large GIF library. You can use these gifs as a way to start the conversation. It’s essentially another way of saying Hi, but GIFs get a much higher response rate. Especially since there are so many different ones.

Find some that work best for you

As a bonus, if you combine a GIF with a statement, she is more likely to respond.

Custom Messages

This is my personal favorite way to start a conversation. I get close to a 70-80% response rate.

Let me explain how this works.

So when you first match with her, you need to analyze her profile. Look for something that sticks out to you.

Whether it’s a sports logo, music/festival, or a travel destination.

Then from there craft a statement that includes you both in it.

Girls love when you use we in statements.

“We both are fans of the Rays, we should hit up a spring training game”

“We both love running, lets hit up a trail and get a few miles in”

“We both went to lollapalooza, who was your favorite set”

If you do this, chances are you’ll get a response.

Is a girl more likely to respond to hey or someone that shares something in common with her and took the initiative to write a custom message.

What not to do

“Hi”, “Hey”, “What’s Up”

What does saying this accomplish. All she is going to do is say the same thing back to you.

Sure she responded. But guess what?

The conversation hasn’t progressed. You are back at square one.

There was no interest shown & you still don’t know each other.

Expecting Her To Send a Message

Even if you have the best Tinder bio & pictures, most girls will not send the first message.

If you expect her to message first, you are out of luck. As I talked about earlier, there are far more guys on Tinder than girls.

Complimenting Her on Looks

This is honestly the worst way to start a conversation. Even worse than saying “hi”, or “hello”.

Girls are used to getting compliments. They know how attractive they are. There is no need to mention how she looks. 

Just like saying hi or hello, you are back to square one in the conversation. 


Using emojis is an advanced tactic, so as a beginner, I highly advise that you don’t use them when starting a conversation.

How To Go From Conversation to date

Going from a conversation to a date isn’t too difficult. Many guys struggle to get past that first message barrier. Once you do, it’s only a few more steps until you meet her.

You first need to get her off the app. I tend to ask for her Snap, Number, or Insta after a few messages. You do not want to keep the messaging on the app too long. She will get bored and either ghost you, log off the app and forget about you, or meet another guy.

Get her off of Tinder ASAP.

Now once she is off of tinder, continue the conversation a bit before setting up a date.

Don’t ask her if she wants to go out with you. Take control and set up a date. 

If it doesn’t work with her schedule she will tell you no.

Game Changing Tinder Opener

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