how to talk to girls on tinder

Game Changing Tinder Opener

Table of Contents

Table of Contents

Many guys struggle with talking to girls on Tinder. Whether it’s the opener or keeping the conversation flowing.

Often confused or overwhelmed, they go from matching with the cute blonde to being ghosted or straight up unmatched.

Don’t let this happen to you.

In this blog post, I’m going over what you need to say to go from that initial match to landing the date.

It’s not complicated, and the more you do it, the more confident you will be.

So let’s get right into it.

The First Message

Honestly, this is the most difficult part when talking to a girl.

Set up the wrong frame, and you can get one of the following responses:

  • No Response at all or Unmatched
  • A one word response
  • Friend Zoned

Not a great way to start.

This is why I’m against stolen lines & generic openers.

“Hi” doesn’t cut it, neither does the generic pickup line you stole from reddit.

You have to remember there are a ton of guys out there interested in her.

And they are more attractive than you and have better profiles.

So to stand out, you need to grab her attention and make her interested in you.

What works best is a custom message based around her profile.

This way you are already talking about something she is interested in.

Who doesn’t like talking about their hobbies?

I recently posted a full guide on how to start a conversation on tinder 

It’s way more in detail than what I can write here, so check it out, and then get back to reading this article. There is a lot more work to do if you want to take her out on a date.

After the First Message

Assuming she responded, you are one step closer to that date.

Her response really dictates the direction the conversation goes.

If it’s a one word response, you need to get her interested again.

If it’s an actual response, great, she’s interested.

Look at the minor details at the message she sent. And respond accordingly. 

Here’s what you shouldn’t do

If you text like this, you will not go on a date with her. Learn these rules and implement them when talking to her.

Take forever to respond

While you shouldn’t be checking Tinder 24/7, you should check it often.

Make sure to look at it every few hours.

If you have active conversations going, quicker than that.

Taking forever to respond is a turnoff.

Don’t be generic with responses

You should make the texting exciting.

Make her want to respond.

Leave cliffhangers, write something unexpected.

1 word responses, and generic texting doesn’t cut it.

Don’t come off creepy

Acting as a creep on the app is going to get you unmatched or ghosted

While you need to be somewhat sexual, don’t go way over the top.

Add some flirting in your text game, you should be good.

Don’t compliment her looks

Telling a girl she is cute or beautiful isn’t going to get you ahead.

If she’s attractive, she’s heard it all the time.

It comes off as boring or desperate

Turn the messaging into a job interview

Don’t continue to ask her question over and over again.

There is much more to talk about

Stick to a conversation topic and expand the conversation

Ask why she liked you

This just shows that you are insecure about yourself.

Unless she brings this up, don’t ask.

You both swiped right on each other. There is mutual attraction.

Invest too much in texting

Your responses in texting need to be as short as hers.

If she sends you 2 lines, you need to respond in less than 2 lines.

Don’t send a paragraph. Your investment level needs to be slightly less then hers.

Respond right away

Responding right away makes you seem desperate and that you have nothing going on in your life.

Unless she responds right away to your response to a text, use the 5 minute rule.

Wait 5 minutes before responding to her text message.

Beg your friends to help respond (if you do need help join our fb group)

When I first used Tinder, I would ask my friends for help to respond.

This is bad for two reasons.

  1. It annoys the shit out of your friends
  2. You need to gain confidence texting, not relying on other people.

If you need help on what to say, join our facebook group.

You’ll see what others say, but longterm, learn how to text.

Asking about a friend

Do you see an attractive girl in her pics?

Don’t ask about her. You matched with her, not the friend.

So don’t ask.

It’s an easy way to get unmatched

Don’t Force your Interests on her.

No one likes opinions or conversations thrown at them that they aren’t interested in.

If she’s not into a subject, drop it and focus on something else. 

Bring up last time she ghosted you or unmatched

She’s talking to you now, so don’t mention that you were ignored by her in the past.

She might remember why she stopped talking to you and do it again.

Don’t be political

Whether you like Trump, Bernie, Clinton, or Paul.

Just don’t mention politics.

Everyone has political opinions that are different.

It’s best that it’s not brought up.

Continue messaging her if she doesn’t respond (Follow up only after 24-48 hrs)

Everyone has a life. Don’t double or triple text her until youve given her some time to respond.

Wait at least 24 hours.

If you don’t receive a message, then you can double text.

If not, it’s whatever, there are so many girls on Tinder.

Go back to swiping.

What you should do

Here is what you should do when talking to her.

Ask for her phone number or snap at the appropriate time

Once you are messaging back and forth for a bit ask for her contact info.

You need to get her off of Tinder.

She has a ton of guys messaging her.

And most likely, she has notifications turned off on the app.

So, she can get distracted and forget about you. Get her off asap.

Match her timing

If she’s taking a few minutes to respond, you should do the same. Don’t respond instantly.

You need to show less commitment than her.

Don’t look desperate to respond. 

Match her messaging length

If she has short statements, you need to do the same. Don’t respond with a long paragraph.

Make it easy to respond to you

Try to eliminate questions that lead to one word responses.

And keep messages going so that there is a logical flow of messaging.

The easier you make it to respond, the more likely you’ll get a response.

Now You Have Her Phone Number or Social Media

Same philosophies as above apply

Don’t change the way you text once you get her off the app.

Follow what was said above. These core rules following all your texting proactices.

Don’t send her a nude right away

Women don’t like getting a nude right away. 

You need to build up to it.

Asking for a nude right away

Just like sending a nude, don’t expect her to send you one right away.

So don’t ask

Don’t go back to tinder to message her

Once you get her off the app, don’t go back to Tinder to message her.

You just got her contact info….

Set Up The Date

After messaging her a bit more off the app, set up a date.

If you need an idea, check out this article on Tinder Date Ideas.

Continue to text/message her 

If the date is a few days away, you still need to text her.

If you don’t, the chances of her flaking are going to be higher.

She also is still talking to a bunch of other guys. So don’t let her forget about you.

Confirm the date

You should confirm with her the day before the date.

This way you don’t get stood up on a date.

If she flakes, you already know a day ahead.

Other Tips

Have a Profile where she can message you

You need to make your profile interesting. Don’t be the average Tinder user.

Have high quality pictures & a great bio.

If your profile is great, girls will actually message you first.

And if a girl messages you first, the chances of going on a date significantly increase.

Always Remember, She Swiped Right

She already liked something about you. Whether its your looks, something in your pictures or bio.

So the feeling of attraction is mutual. You need to act on a level playing field.

Don’t put her on a pedestal.

Be prepared for flakes

Girls flaking is just a part of the online dating world. 

It can happen the day before a date or even the day of.

Don’t take it too personally.

Follow up after the date

If the date went well, message her and let her know that you want to see her again.

Don’t wait a few days to respond.

Let her know after

Final Thoughts

If you use these tips from the article, your text game is going to improve immensely.

It takes time to improve, but you’ll get there.

Just keep messaging and you’ll land dates.

Ryan N.

Ryan N.

Learn More

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