We’ve gotten so many questions about this topic, it seems like we may be overdue in addressing it. In this world where options and opportunities are unlimited, should you focus your attention on just one person at a time, or is it okay to be a man dating multiple women?
Now, of course, there is and has always been a bit of a stigma that someone must be a “player” dating more than one woman at a time. But the question is should you even worry about it? What are the advantages and disadvantages of choosing one partner versus dating multiple partners?
Here’s what we know. Dating one partner is certainly easier because you only have one person’s feelings to consider. Balancing the needs of everyone, when you are dating multiple women can be a real challenge at times.
It’s also a lot less expensive to date one partner. For instance, this author lives in a part of the country where there’s no chance of you spending less than $100 on a simple dinner and drinks date.
And a nice night out can be upwards of $250 to $300.
Typically speaking when you are dating someone, you have a need to impress them at least on some level, showing them that you are a good, potential partner. If you plan on dating multiple partners, the math can get a little scary for some of us.
Sometimes it seems like you might have to take a second job just to be able to afford to keep dating! And in the world of online dating apps, many women have decided that if they are going to date, they may as well choose someone with a lot of money, to take them on trips and to nicer places on dates. But we can tackle that topic in another article.
But seeing as how that pretty well concludes the disadvantages of guys dating more than one girl, let’s take a look at why you should probably do it anyway.
Advantages of Dating More Than One Person
Yes, it’s more expensive. Yes, it’s more work. Yes, it can get tiring. Yes, it gets messy sometimes. And yes you run the chance of someone getting hurt occasionally because they weren’t chosen.
But until you find the one person who you want to spend all your time with, possibly “till death do you part,” it’s ridiculous to think you should eliminate your options for friendship, love, companionship, and sex.
Consider what a tragedy it would be if you were only dating one person at a time, and someone who could make you happy for the rest of your life, someone pretty close to what you might call your soulmate passed right by. Leaving doors and options open while you’re dating, and honestly even after you’re married is probably the best policy.
A vast number of people across America now consider themselves “ethically non-monogamous.” From dating to marriage, people have finally realized that statistically speaking, the large majority of humans are not monogamous creatures.
Polling numbers show that anonymously 75% of people admit to cheating on their significant other. And that’s not including whatever percent have done it and didn’t admit to it!
Now think with me here. If the majority of people admit that they cheat on their significant other, wouldn’t it just be easier to be honest from the start? Even when you begin dating, it’s okay to let people know you would rather be honest about the fact that you plan to keep seeing people, even if only occasionally.
That way no one ever feels like they have been lied to. You don’t have to worry about infidelity when everything is on the up-and-up.
If you’re honest about it from the beginning, you’ll find that most women understand a man who dates several women. Experience says it’s actually more common that you see men who have a problem with women dating multiple men!
It’s a real chauvinistic imbalance, in fact.
Men have a tendency to see women as territorial creatures. But women much more often are treated as property by guys who don’t want them to date multiple men.
So if you’re going to tell a woman you’re dating that you have every intention of keeping the freedom to date others as well, you better be sure you are secure enough to understand that she is also going to be dating multiple men. If you expect her to keep her insecurities in check, I highly suggest you first ask yourself if you are secure enough to avoid insecurities in your own mind and heart.
Because it’s only fair that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
It’s also always possible that you might be dating someone who in the meantime finds their perfect mate, which means they need to leave you behind. And if you enjoy them and especially if you truly care about them, you will want them to be living their best life just like you want to live yours. So if they find a perfect partner, you have to have the security to let them go and find love, because isn’t that what we all hope for someday?
So here is your mission, dating soldiers, should you choose to accept it. Next time you’ve had a couple of good dates with someone, and you think it might turn into long-term dating, bring up the subject in a truthful and heartfelt way.
Tell them you hate the fact that people get into relationships and then find out someone is cheating, and everyone gets hurt, and everyone loses their relationship because of it.
Give them those statistics.
Tell them you’re not seeing anyone specifically right now, but you just wanted them to know that they have the freedom to continue to date if the opportunity comes up, and you would like them to afford you the same freedom and grace. And if she wants to be a woman who has the freedom to date multiple men, you would like to be an honest man who dates multiple women. I believe you’ll find most people are very open to it and appreciative of your honesty and candor.
Happy dating, friends!